[LISA LEWIS] The Am I Ok? Podcast is part of the Practice of the Practice network, a network of podcasts seeking to help you market and grow your business and yourself. To hear other podcasts like Faith Fringes, the Holistic Counseling Podcast, and Beta Male Revolution, go to the website, www.practiceofthepractice.com/slash network. Welcome to the Am I Ok? Podcast, where you will discover that being highly sensitive is something to embrace and it’s actually a gift you bring to the world. We will learn together how to take ownership of your high sensitivity, so you can make positive changes in your life, in the lives of others, and it’s totally okay to feel this way. I’m your host, Lisa Lewis. I’m so glad you’re here for the journey. Welcome to today’s episode of the Am I Ok? Podcast. I’m your host, Lisa Lewis. Today I’m bringing you another life Am I Ok? consultation, which is part of a series of episodes. This is not your typical podcast interview. In this episode, I answer one big question a listener needs help with around high sensitivity, whether it’s for themselves, someone they know or anything else related to highly sensitive persons. I’m so excited to bring this to you. Today’s guest is Shannon Heers. Shannon is a therapist, supervisor, and owner of Catalyss Counseling, a group practice located in Colorado, serving adults with a focus on anxiety, grief, trauma, and perinatal mental health. Shannon is a mom of two kids ages five and seven, and splits her time between her practice and being with her family. Shannon is a highly sensitive person and gets rejuvenated by spending time in the mountains and reading. Welcome to the podcast, Shannon. [SHANNON HEERS] Thank you. It’s great to be here. [LISA] Can you tell us about how you came to find out that you are highly sensitive person? [SHANNON] Sure. I actually had been working with my own therapist around some concerns that I had with my son who at the time was, I would say four to five-ish years old, so two to three years ago. She recommended that I read The Highly Sensitive Child book by Elaine Aron, and it just really spoke to me first in terms of, oh my gosh, yes, this is my son. And it makes so much sense and helps me as a mom understand how to work with him better. But throughout that book, I also was reflecting back on my own childhood, growing up as well as how manage and deal with things now and it just really spoke to me that, “Oh, maybe it’s kind of inherited. Maybe I’m a highly sensitive person also.” And that comes to me to read the highly sensitive person book and there’s quizzes along with that and really sort of identify with that trait, I guess it is and with that way of dealing and managing the world. It really helps me understand that how I am and how my son is, is okay. It’s a little different than other people, but we react this way because either we’re overwhelmed or there’s too much going on, or we just need some more downtime and more quiet and less stimulation. So it’s helped me really adapt our lives a little bit better to kind of the demands of, I guess, everyday life. [LISA] And were you surprised that you or you are an HSP? How did you feel when you kind of were discovering that about yourself? [SHANNON] You know I wasn’t surprised at all, honestly. I think a lot of people are like, “Oh my gosh, this just explains it.” My husband had always been telling me, “You’re my sensitive little flower,” not in a condescending way, but just that I’m very sensitive to a lot of things. And that’s honestly fine with me. Yes I am and that could be a really great strength, but I wasn’t surprised. It kind of opened up a lot of things for me. [LISA] Oh, that’s wonderful. So what is your big question you’d like to ask today? [SHANNON] I think the big question that I’ve struggled with, especially the summer, having both kids home from school and me trying to work part time while I’m kind of taking care of them and focus on them the rest of my time has been, how do I manage as an HSP, all the demands from, in particular, my kids? “Mommy this, mommy that, mommy this, mommy that, mommy this, mommy that.” And it just seems like one thing after another, after another, after another and I’m just exhausted by midday. I don’t think we’re over-scheduled, but that’s certainly maybe part of it that we were trying to do maybe a little bit too much this summer. So I think it’s more, how do I manage multitasking because as a mom it’s really hard to just do one thing at a time without getting so exhausted and without snapping and taking it out on my kids. [LISA] So great question. And I’m sure a lot of parents, whether you’re HSP or not can identify with what you’re just describing right now, just the demands of children, which they’re supposed to be doing. And I’m wondering, what have you tried so far? [SHANNON] Probably not the right things, really I tend to notice it when I do get overwhelmed and then I start yelling or snapping, and then I say, I need to take a break and then I’m able to do that. But I would like to be able to recognize what’s going on sooner. Obviously I’d like to have less to do if that’s possible. So I don’t know if I’ve actually tried much. It’s usually more after the fact that I react. [LISA] And I think one of the important things that you mentioned was this feeling overstimulated and that’s one of the common things that highly sensitive persons feel, is overstimulated. So I have a few suggestions for you. And knowing that you’ve read Dr. Elaine Aron’s book and she also mentions in her highly sensitive persons book that HSPs do not multitask well. So just putting that out there, that’s like, “What? But I need to multitask because I’m a parent and a professional and I have a lot of responsibilities and things I have to take care of.” So just kind of knowing that, but putting that off to the side and just coming back to your question of how do I want to really show up for myself and how do I want to show up for my kids and my family? And my first suggestion is to just slow down. What I mean by that is if we can just like step back for a moment and just see the bigger picture that sometimes we can be focused on what we’re doing and then when we have interruptions that can not feel so good. And then we can like snap and get irritable. So doing less can actually be more and that can be especially hard for HSPs because HSPs, I think no matter what they’re doing, they really give all of themselves, whether you’re folding laundry, doing the dishes, like we’ve put a lot of care and it means a lot that we do it well. So is that resonating with you? [SHANNON] Yes, I mean, I was just thinking about folding laundry and I put it off until I can only do that and not do anything else because it’s too hard to multitask and I’m doing that. [LISA] Yes. I know what you’re talking about and I would do the laundry, like that would maybe be like folding the laundry the last thing before I would go to bed when I had younger kids. It was actually very, doing chores can be very meditating because you’re just doing the same motion over and over and it’s kind of mindless. So that can be a way to distress. And doing too much can really overstimulate our nervous system as HSPs. So we want to just be mindful of that. [SHANNON] Yes, it makes sense what you’re saying. And even though just use kind of folding the laundry as a mindfulness kind of the time to just focus and do that. It is very calming and I feel really good, like when I can accomplish that without being called away to do anything else. It’s just laundry. [LISA] Yes. It’s always going to be there. It’s not going away. So, but just looking at it as you’re walking by can be really irritating and just another thing on the to-do list. Another thing is this, I’m not sure how you are on saying no. So learning just how to say no just to really preserve your overall well-being. So HSPs often feel that they have to please others. They don’t want to be criticized for anything that they’re doing or feel that they’re not doing something well, because they’re sensitive to that. So just learning, and we have to say no to do less, which is actually doing more for yourself. [SHANNON] Yes. I like that. I feel pretty confident in saying no kind of outside of my family, but I think it’s more the kind of day-to-day stuff, no to extra activities and extra social things and stuff like that. But I think it’s more the day-to-day stuff that I’m not very good at saying no to. [LISA] Yes. And you can try and experiment. I like, when I work with clients, because when we were thinking about changing something in our lives, and we’re not sure if we would really want to do that, that we can feel that wow, if we make this one change, we’re going to get locked into this and won’t be able to ever change again. So I’d just like to make it a little easier and say, well, just try it. Try this experiment maybe for a month, maybe for two months, three months. We do less activities and just see how the mood in the house changes, how I feel. Do I feel like I have more time and I’m not as reactive. And if there’s no change, like, okay, maybe that’s not it, maybe there’s something else that I need to do. [SHANNON] I can imagine there would be a big difference. [LISA] What makes you say that? [SHANNON] I’m just reflecting back on some of the vacation time we’ve had this summer, and there was like, I think a week and a half where I had no plans at home with the kids. It wasn’t even a vacation. It was like in between like one trip and maybe school starting or something like that. I was a little worried, oh, we have no structure for our day. We have nothing to do, but I was so relaxed during that time. You don’t have to worry about what time people were getting up. And I didn’t care when they eat breakfast and if they wanted to stay and play inside all morning, that’s great. It felt a lot more relaxed with that. [LISA] Yes. And that’s really important. The one of the things that Dr. Aron says in her book too, is not to wait, especially for, HSPs not to wait to go on vacation to feel rejuvenated; is that we need to do it like every day for ourselves. So again, that comes back to slowing down, say no, and just finding more time throughout the day to take breaks, even if it’s like a minute, five minutes here and there just to rejuvenate yourself, fill yourself up so you’re not feeling depleted at the end of the day. [SHANNON] Yes. I find if I don’t do that, which I don’t very often, I’m usually exhausted by mid day and you set the rest of the day to get through. So I like that idea. [LISA] Yes. As a parent and HSPs that it’s so easy for us or impasse that we like to put our sales out there and really help people. And we do it really well and we also have to remember that we have to take care of ourselves first so that we can show up and be the person that we want to be for ourselves and for our family and friends and our professional people that we work with. [SHANNON] Yes, for sure. I think as kids get older, it tends to get a little bit easier. And I’ve actually noticed that my son, who’s an HSP and my daughter who might be sensitive, but maybe in some different ways, very different presentation, she’s very extroverted and talkative and needs to be around people a lot. I think that’s, what’s a little more exhausting to me. Now, my son can read into like his own things and then that’s the perfect time for me to take a break and then have my daughter who’s not on that same schedule is like, “I want you to do this with me and do this and all this stuff.” So that’s where it gets a little challenging there. And it sounds like you’re suggesting just kind of making that a priority saying, “Hey, I just need five, 10 minutes to myself and then we can do something together.” [LISA] And you’re also modeling for your kids that you are important, that you feel that you are important to yourself and you know the things that help you take care of yourself. And they’ll recognize that too, even as your son, who’s an HSP, like, “Oh yes, you need some quiet time to yourself> and then your daughter will also respect, “Okay, this person, my mom,” as she gets older and meets other people that may be HSPs, “Oh, they need five or 10 minutes. I can do that. I can wait.” [SHANNON] Yes. It’s a good skill to teach her, for sure. [LISA] Yes. So what would you like to take away from our talk today, Shannon? [SHANNON] Just a reminder that I need to focus on some of my own needs and I can’t always put my kids’ needs ahead of mine because then I’m not a great mom. Because it is important for me to be able to respond ethically and not yelling and not snapping at them, but to do that, honestly I do need some more downtime. I do need to slow down sometimes. [LISA] I hope that you give that to yourself. It’s such a gift. Just give yourself an experiment with it and see if you notice a shift within yourself, like, “Wow, if I do take a little bit more time for myself throughout the day, I do feel like I can continue on past the afternoon and into the evening and still have a little bit more energy there.” So thank you for coming on the show today, Shannon. [SHANNON] Thank you for having me, Lisa. This is great. I appreciate it. [LISA] And thank you my listeners for tuning in today. Remember to subscribe, rate, and review wherever you get your podcasts. And this is Lisa Lewis reminding each and every one of you that you are okay. Until next time, take care. Thank you for listening today at Am I Okay? Podcast. If you are loving the show, please rate, review and subscribe to it on your favorite podcast platform. Also, if you’d like to learn how to manage situations as a highly sensitive person, discover your unique gift as a highly sensitive person, and learn how to be comfortable in your own skin, I offer a free eight-week email course called Highly Sensitive People. Just go to amiokpodcast.com to sign up. In addition, I love hearing from my listeners, drop me an email to let me know what is on your mind. You can reach me at lisa@amiokpodcast.com. This podcast is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regards to the subject matter covered. It is given with the understanding that neither the host, the publisher, or the guests are rendering legal, accounting, clinical, or any other professional information. If you want to professional, you should find one.