[LISA LEWIS] The podcast is part of the Practice of the Practice network, a network of podcasts seeking to help you market and grow your business and yourself. To hear other podcasts like Faith Fringes, the Holistic Counseling Podcast, and Beta Male Revolution, go to the website, www.practiceofthepractice.com/slash network. Welcome to the Am I Ok? Podcast, where you will discover that being highly sensitive is something to embrace and it’s actually a gift you bring to the world. We will learn together how to take ownership of your high sensitivity, so you can make positive changes in your life, in the lives of others, and it’s totally okay to feel this way. I’m your host, Lisa Lewis. I’m so glad you’re here for the journey. [LISA] Today’s guest is Jacquelyn Strickland. Jacquelyn became a licensed professional counselor in 1993 and has worked exclusively with highly sensitive people since 2000. She is a member of the International Consultants on High Sensitivity, which is an international group of highly sensitive professionals, trained in 2018 by the research psychologist, Dr. Elaine Aron, who’s extensive research coined the term Sensory Processing Sensitivity. Jacquelyn made them parents in the 2015 documentary, Sensitive, The Untold Story. Jacquelyn first found out about the trait of high sensitivity and may of 1996 and she is one of the very first pioneers along with Elaine Aron, of what is now an international movement connecting HSPs around the world. Jacquelyn and Aron co-founded the HSP Gathering Retreats in 2001 and there have been 36 and counting national and international retreats. She’ll be celebrating the 37th retreat as soon as it is safe to gather again, most likely later this year in Colorado where Jacquelyn lives. Her psychotherapy practice has slowly transitioned into her current work as a mentor and coach for highly sensitive people. Her background in social work, women’s studies, cultural diversity, and a graduate degree in counseling still empower and inform her work. Her psychotherapy practice included therapeutic orientations, coaching principles mixed with the client’s spiritual foundation. She has been trained in hypnotherapy and loves her work as EMDR level two practitioner. Jacquelyn has been certified to utilize Myers Briggs Personality Assessment since 1991, and is also well versed in the use of the Enneagram using both of these modalities, when helpful in her work. She now connects with highly sensitive people around the world as an HSP mentor, coach, educator, and retreat and workshop leader, including the HSP gathering retreats since 2001, and her nature as teacher and healer retreats held in beautiful Colorado, where she lives. Connect with Jacquelyn at her website, www.lifeworkshelp.com, soon changing to jacquelyn@jacquelynstrickland.com or visit her on her Facebook page at HSP Gathering Retreats. Sign up for her newsletter, HSP Highlights and Insights at www.lifeworkshelp.com/subscribe. So welcome Jacquelyn. [JACQUELYN STRICKLAND] Hey Lisa, thanks for having me. [LISA] You’re welcome. You’re very welcome. I’m really excited to have you here today to talk to us and inform us about the facts, the myths, the mysteries, and metaphors about the highly sensitive person traits. But first I want to ask you, I like to ask all my guests, how did you come to learn that you are highly sensitive? [JACQUELYN] I love to tell this story. It’s a long story and I’m going to make it fairly short. I was waiting for a bus in Marin County in May of 1996, where coincidentally Dr. Elaine Aron lives. It was raining, pouring down raining, I was shivering and I was looking at all the flyers that were posted up on this bus shelter. There was one that was all wet and crackly, but I could barely read it and it said, “Do you find yourself needing more sleep than the average person?” I was thinking? “Hmm, yes. Yes, I do. Actually.” “Do you find yourself being deeply moved by arts and music?” I was like, “Well, I never thought about it.” This is all going through my mind, of course. I was thinking, well, I never really thought about it, but yes, I do. I am deeply moved by arts and music. Do you find yourself being greatly soothed when you’re in nature or near water? And I was thinking, well, yes, of course that’s true for me. And by this time I was kind of getting goosebumps, looking around, thinking who has asked all these questions of me, more things like, do I need more time in my day to process the events of my day? Am I uniquely spiritual? Do I lean toward altruism? Then it said, then you may be a highly sensitive person. And it was Dr. Elaine Aron’s flyer that she put up before her book was even written, looking for research subjects about her first book and to finish her PhD in her research on the HSP. And I find it so interesting that had she put up, had it been assigned that said, do you find yourself more anxious around people? Do you find yourself sometimes depressed? Do you find yourself not being able to communicate with people when you want to? Do you find yourself frantic when you have too much to do? I would have never identified as those things. And I think simply because as an empowered woman who is much older than many of the clients that I work with, I had actually grown a tremendous amount through my involvement in the women’s movement, where I became empowered, able to set boundaries, able to find my voice and able to be in the world authentically as a highly sensitive person. So I’ll never forget that moment. Being in that bus shelter led me to eventually connect with Dr. Elaine. This was all before internet and it was, I wrote her a hand mail letter and she wrote me hand mail letter back. Anyway, that’s sort of how we met and co-created these retreats together. [LISA] I love that story and it just seems like it was meant to be, and I love how she like emphasized on the flyer, like just the beautiful traits. So that leads me into our, what we’re actually going to be talking about. Let’s start with the facts of being an HSP. [JACQUELYN] Yes, there are so many facts. I’ll just cover the brief ones, that it is a genetic trait. The academic term for highly sensitive people is sensory processing sensitivity. There are 1.6 billion of we HSPs in the world and there’s an equal number of men and women and, or should I say them and they? I think that’s the new respectful term, although it may appear that there are more women in the world with this trait simply because it’s harder for men to self identify as highly sensitive in our Western culture. The trait is found in over 100 species, including fruit flies and I’ll share a study about that when we get into the metaphors or the mysteries of HSPs. And let’s see, out of the 1.6 billion HSPs in the world, 70% are introverts, but 30% are actually sensitive extroverts. So that’s 420 million sensitive extroverts in the world of which I’m one, kind of a minority within a minority. I always like to bring this up, that when discussing introversion and extroversion in regard to the trait of high sensitivity, it’s very important to identify five different temperaments. One is the introvert. Two is the sensitive introvert. There’s a major difference between the introvert and the sensitive introvert. For example, my husband is a major introvert. He is not an HSP. So there are major differences between the introvert and the sensitive introvert and then there’s the extrovert and the sensitive extrovert. And again, there’s major differences between the sensitive extrovert and the extrovert in the general population. And then there’s that new term that’s been floated around. It is the ambivert. So briefly, there’s so many ways that the HSP trait is manifested within different people. So there’s so many variables that affect the way a person shows up with this trait. Mental health issues, such as anxiety, depression, those are not part of the HSP trait. Those are just mental health issues that affect the population at large. So our family of origin, our attachment styles that we learned, our socioeconomic status affects it, our educational levels. The amount of education one has the best to trade. Your temperament, your Myers-Briggs or Enneagram, the nine temperaments that have been studied, the geographical location and the culture in which you live in, all those things affect the way in which an HSP shows up in the world. For example, in China, there was a study that showed, that compared students in China to students in Canada and the students in China who were the quietest and kindness were seen as the most popular. We know in the Western culture, that is not generally the case. So another thing that influences the way an HSP shows up in the world is something called high sensation seeking. And again, that’s across the board, not just in the trait of high sensitivity, but with those who don’t identify with the trait as well. So another fact about our trade that I love is the acronym that Elaine Aron identified in her wonderful book Psychotherapy and the Highly Sensitive Person, which by the way, I highly recommend for lay people or professionals. I also highly recommend every single book Elaine Aron has ever written. People often ask me, well, what should I know about highly sensitive people? I’m like read her first book. Don’t read any other books, don’t go to any other website, read her first book. It’s powerful. It is imaginative, it’s creative, it’s wonderful. And I owe everything to her, I think as we all do. She’s created an industry that she never wanted to create, but she has [LISA] What is her first book. [JACQUELYN] Her first book is The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You. I can’t speak highly enough about that book. [LISA] Oh yes, I’ve read it too and I love it. I so appreciate her work And your work and this bringing this information to the world. [JACQUELYN] Absolutely. And in her, I think it’s her fourth or fifth book Psychotherapy and the Highly Sensitive Person. She eventually identified an acronym called DOES and those are the four characteristics that all HSPs have in common. So D is the depth of processing research studies and FMRs have shown that for the highly sensitive person, our prefrontal cortex is more active than the other 80%. That leads, and the depth of processing is our most basic trait, which inevitably, unless we’re really, really careful leads to overstimulation. The E stands for emotional intensity, empathy, reactivity, and then eventually we learn that we’re highly responsive. And I’d like to think that we, HSPs can go from being reactive to acting with responsiveness when we become empowered. And then the final one is sensitive to subtleties and that’s often confused with, oh, HSPs, can’t stand noise, they’re sensitive to noise. And that’s true to a certain extent, except it doesn’t explain why some HSPs can go to concerts, blaring loud concerts and are not at all bothered. And sensitive to subtleties is actually interpreting the senses that we resonate with and interpret into often works of art. That’s why we’re the poets, the photographers, the musicians, the artists. So sensitive subtleties can also be the way in which we interpret our sensory reactions and responses to environment. [LISA] And do you notice that just working with clients and maybe for yourself to this picking up on really subtle cues, this may be how a person looks at you or like their tone of voice or these things that are so subtle that most people don’t pick up. [JACQUELYN] Yes, absolutely. That is such a gift and such a burden at times to be able to pick up on every single little thing. And I think that’s something we have to train ourselves to become observers of without necessarily reacting or responding to everything we pick up. [LISA] Good point. And do you have any steps or tips to how to do that? [JACQUELYN] You know, it’s a practice for sure. It’s being mindful of where am I today, what is my current mood, what is my current state of wellbeing, how rested am I, have I been practicing extreme self-care, which is so important for HSPs that includes enough sleep, a meditation or spiritual practice, eating healthy foods. So again, in entering into any situation, and I know there are certain times when my non-HSP partner can give me the subtle look on his face or his tone of voice and it depends on my state of wellbeing, how I respond to that. When I’m very aware, I can think, oh, he’s either tired or hasn’t been taking care of himself. It has nothing to do with me. Or I will choose to act versus react. So again, yes, it’s a matter of choosing to observe and then question, what is my state of wellbeing and what might the other state of the environment or wellbeing be for the environment or the other people involved? [LISA] Oh, yes. So I hear you, and just being really attuned to your own, like you said, state of mind and knowing how to or are being aware of how you want to respond or react to that —. [JACQUELYN] Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. And I think that’s what we learn in an EMD. Or in my training of EMDR is we, many of us have experienced traumas, small T traumas or large T traumas. And with good EMDR experiences, we can actually learn to sort of become an observer when we’re triggered. As many of us are and have been with past traumas, we can become triggered and overstimulated and overly emotional and overly reactive. And I think with good healing and good EMDR, then we can sort of become observers of our trauma and we can look at that past trauma as an observer instead of an active participant in it. And I think that’s the goal and this idea of sensitive to subtleties to tone our voice to toxic environments is to simply say, okay, be very mindful of it. And I have very strong filters about what I choose to let into my sense of wellbeing and what I choose to keep out. [LISA] Oh, that’s beautiful. I love that. I just love how you phrase that. [JACQUELYN] Well, it’s a practice and it hasn’t been easy. And again, I have years of practice on this. So people who are listening, please don’t feel that you’re anyhow less than or incapable of this. It is definitely a process. And I’ve done my own healing work. So believe me, that took a while as well. [LISA] Switching over to myths, what are some of the myths about highly sensitive persons? [JACQUELYN] I think the main ones are that one, many people think they’re only introverts, which we know is not true. It’s a myth that the sensory processing sensitivity is caused by trauma, or that it’s the same as being hyper-vigilant. And it’s not. It’s not a diagnosis. It’s not on the spectrum of ASD and it’s not true that all HSPs are alike. That’s kind of, if you look at some of the social media things on there, you get this strong sense of all HSPs reacting the same way to some situations. It’s not hyperacusis, it’s not misophonia, it’s not [inaudible 00:19:29], it’s not social anxiety. It’s simply a genetic trait that has those four things in common, DOES. And how it’s manifested in the world is unique to your personal experience and all the things that I shared earlier. [LISA] And how would a person go about if they wanted to know if they are a highly sensitive or not? Like, what would be the first step? [JACQUELYN] I think the first step is to look at Elaine Aron’s website. She has that self-assessment for HSPs. And that is being revised I think, to be more inclusive of the DOES. It doesn’t really measure the DOES, but I think just to do that for self-assessment and if you’re still not sure then read her first book. [LISA] Okay. Yes, thank you. Thank you for that.. let’s talk now about the mysteries and metaphors about highly sensitive persons. This is very exciting to me, you know, why are we here and do we have a higher purpose? Is there an evolutionary reason we are here? [JACQUELYN] Yes. I kind of came up with this facts, myth, mysteries, and metaphors because of my own work. It sort of seemed like those were the things that I covered. And the mysteries are certainly, I learned from Elaine Aron and the metaphors, I just love the metaphors that have come to me in my work with HSPs, which we’ll get to in a minute, but the mystery is why are we here? Well, there’s 1.6 billion of us in the world. That’s too large of a number to be a diagnosis of any sort, but it’s too small of a number to be part of the majority culture. So why are HSPs more susceptible to hunger, to temperature changes? Why are we more aware of our environments, and as we said, sensitive to subtleties, to a tone of voice, to look on somebody’s facial expressions? Why are we more alert to danger? Elaine has said, she believes that it’s an evolutionary survival strategy that we have inherited this part of the brain, which pauses to check that we actually stop to observe and to reflect on what’s happening. The study of fruit flies that I told you about was these fruit flies were offered some new food in this new cage and 80% of them just went barreling on in to get this new food right away and they were caught in the trap. 20% of them stood back, pause to check, to observe to say, “I’m going to wait here. There could be danger here.” So those 20% survived and the other 80% didn’t. So I think, why are we here, it’s an evolutionary survival strategy that we are protective of our tribe. [LISA] Yes. And I as you’re describing that, I’m thinking of people that maybe they go to a party, they attend a family gathering, or if they’re at a school dance or they walk into a situation where there’s a lot of people, maybe not even has to be a lot of people, but they kind of like, whoa, like they stand back a little and need to assess what is going on, what’s happening, if they feel comfortable or not. Do you feel that’s part of being highly sensitive? [JACQUELYN] Yes. I think it’s part of our pause to check about is this a safe environment? And again, I think it’s a very important part of ourselves to pay attention to. And so many people, I think so many highly sensitive people have taken the pause to check. They go into an environment and they immediately say, “Oh, I don’t belong here. Nobody likes me. I’m different from everybody.” As opposed to going into an environment and observing and finding, you know, people say to me about, well I dread going to this party or I dread going to this networking event. Part of what I work with with highly sensitive people is kind of knowing when and how to be out in the world. So we can’t live in a cave the whole time. We can’t become hermits. Although I do love my solitude time, even as a sensitive extrovert and I do sometimes wish I could stay a lot longer, but I sort of play this game with myself when I’m out in the world. First I’m aware of unsafe or unfriendly places, but I try very hard to not automatically assume that everyone there is unsafer and friendly. So I play this game with myself, going to groups about sort of ice buys. Like if there’s one in five people who are highly sensitive, I’m going to try to find one. I’m going to try to find one in five. And I just kind of go around the room with confidence as if I’m playing this game and I am there and evidently find somebody who’s highly sensitive. Even if there’s five people there, one in five is going to be a highly sensitive person. [LISA] Do you think like it’s, I don’t know if the word typical, but we, just being highly sensitive myself and going into a new situation maybe feeling that like, oh, no one likes me or on that negativity, do you feel it’s because maybe our childhood, or it wasn’t accepted, there was like some negative connotation around it and that’s, I mean, and that’s so easy to carry that into adulthood or into new situations? [JACQUELYN] Yes, I think certainly our past experiences play a big, huge part in that and our attachment styles. Elaine’s book, The Highly Sensitive Person in Love goes into more detail about attachment styles. And I think that’s part of self-understanding. It’s understanding what is your attachment style? What is your family of origin? Like what messages did you receive? If you receive messages that, you know, there’s something wrong with you, you’re too much, you feel too deeply, you’re too sensitive, or just examining the childhood messages, if you haven’t reframed those, which is another important part of becoming an empowered HSP is to reframe past experiences based on this information about this trait, you’re going to carry negative beliefs around you, around with you. And they’re going to sort of permeate your reality. So I just can’t encourage highly sensitive people enough to do your work, heal from past wounds, reframe your experiences based on information about the trait. Like when I learned about the trait, there was like, “Oh my gosh. So that’s why my first year in college, I dropped out with a 1.2 grade point average. It wasn’t because I was stupid. It wasn’t because I was a failure. It was because I was absolutely totally overwhelmed.” So to just reframe things, as Brene brown says, she’s one of my favorite role models, she says if you look for not belonging, you’re going to find it. So it’s our work to belong to ourselves, belong to our trait and take ownership of the work and our identity. Because as Elaine Aron has said so many times, she views us as the marginalized priestly advisers. And in the ancient Indo European cultures there were those two classes of people. There were the warrior Kings who were the 80%, were up there to conquer the new land and fight the wars. But there were also this small percentage of very wise people that were treated very, very uniquely and they got special foods, special places to live. They were the priestly advisors who had advised these warrior Kings about the future consequences and shared their wisdom about what to expect if this behavior happened or if this happened, what are the consequences? So I think we HSPs have to own that we are priestly advisers and we can’t be emotional leaders in the world and our families. We just have to do our work to transform our negative beliefs about ourselves. [LISA] Okay. And if someone listening that maybe hasn’t started on their own healing or their own work about themselves how long does it take before you maybe start to accept it or believe that you have, you know this is a gift? [JACQUELYN] Well that’s a great question. How long does it take to heal from any of our wounds, our small T, our large T? I think it depends on the traumas we’ve experienced. It depends, again, Lisa as therapists, we know that some clients move quickly, other clients, the journey is arduous. Like I said, my own journey about becoming an empowered, highly sensitive person was greatly reduced simply because as a young woman, in my mid twenties to early thirties, I was very much involved with the women’s movement. And that’s where I learned I had a voice. That’s where I learned to set boundaries. That’s where I learned that I can be who I am and to sort of like that I’ll cry if I want to. I’ll be emotional if I want to, thank you very much. So it took me years actually, of going through that experience of the women’s movement to really feel empowered. So I would say, yes, it could take a few years. It could take a few months, depending on, there’s so much more information readily accessible these days about the trade, I think. [LISA] And what do you notice when a person becomes empowered? Is there a a telltale moment or is there like a turning point? [JACQUELYN] I think there’s probably stages to that. And actually I have, I published it on my newsletter before, HSP Highlights and Insights. I’ve identified five stages of cultural awareness and acceptance of your trait as a highly sensitive person. And I think that first you go into despair, the first stage is disparaging. Oh, there’s something wrong with me. I’m too sensitive. Sensitive people are weak, they’re inferior. And then you go into denial. Well, I don’t think that’s me, but I’m eager to, you go into denial about the trait and then you start learning about it and you’re going into acknowledging like, okay, well maybe I am a highly sensitive person and maybe my needs are just different than someone else’s. And then you go into affirming, like, yes, I’m different than you and that’s okay. And you can actually go into promoting the traits. So again, it’s just stages of awareness and understanding that in each stage there’s, especially in those early stages, you have a lot of erroneous beliefs about the trait of sensitivity. There’s something wrong with you, it’s a flaw. So again, how quickly does someone want to move through those stages? How quickly does someone want to uncover their erroneous beliefs? [LISA] Yes. Thank you for that. And I’m hoping as people hear you as you’re describing the trait and kind of unpacking it, that they’re wanting to go embrace it and feel empowered. [JACQUELYN] Yes, and a part of that and embracing it and becoming empowered is letting go of the old you. And when you let go of the old you, you’re inevitably going to come up against cultural and societal and familial challenges. People aren’t going to like it if you rock the boat. People aren’t going to like it if you’re not the same old person who took everybody’s needs into account except your own. So there’s so many ironies involved in our journey to empowerment and so many challenges. And just sort of knowing what to expect is I think really helpful. [LISA] Yes, hopefully as you progress through that for your own journey. [JACQUELYN] Yes. Yes, so for your own journey, there’s, once you make the decision to embrace your trait and start on that journey there’s a lot of confusion. There’s a lot of uncertainty. It takes a great deal of faith to move forward. And when you do move forward, you’re inevitably going to rock the boat. People aren’t going to like you, they’re not going to like that you’re setting boundaries, your world’s going to become probably smaller for awhile until you’ve found other people that appreciate you for who your authentic self is. There’s going to be some grief and loss involved. It’s all a journey and everybody has their journey, not just we HSPs. I think everybody has a journey that they’re on to their full, authentic self. [LISA] Yes, it’s all that beautiful. And what are some of the metaphors? [JACQUELYN] Yes, here’s one that I love that came to me. I’m not sure when it came to me. I think it’s when I was watching that show where Ellen DeGeneres voice was the fish. I’m trying to think who was that fish that she spoke about. It’s not coming to me right now. Well, anyway, the metaphor is that here’s this beautiful aquarium and there are all these fish swimming around and there are different colors and they’re busy and they’re going places and they’re swimming fast and they’re darting in and out and here you are, and these fish are saying. And you’re kind of hanging out, down at the bottom of the aquarium because the fish that are swimming around there that are so busy don’t know that down in the bottom of the aquarium is this beautiful oasis hidden amongst the rocks. It’s quiet, it’s calm, it’s beautiful that you go there yourself and it’s just a beautiful place for you to be almost like a, I call it my HSP inner sanctuary. All of these fish are up there and they’re going, come on, come on. What’s the matter with you? Come on and play with us and you’re like, before you know about the tray you go, oh, okay. All right. I’ll come out. Sure, I want to play. So you go out there and you’re swimming around and you notice that everyone’s having a great time, but you’re getting tired. You’re treading water and they go, “What’s the matter? And you go, “I don’t know. I don’t know.” And then finally, when you become empowered as an HSP, you realize that the pH of that water isn’t suited to you. And we know what happens in an aquarium when the pH is off. The fishes die and they rise to the top. So it’s kind of like, what I learned as an HSP is that, yes, I can go out into that world and I could swim around with these fish. I can do it on my own terms in my own way, with limited amount, in a limited amount of time, but that I have to return to my oasis, to my center, to my wholeness, to my wellness. And the challenge that I think is for the other 80% to learn that you can benefit from our oasis. We don’t always have to come into your world. It benefits you, it benefits the world, it benefits our families to experience our world, to experience a calmness, a spirituality, a connectedness, with things that are greater than just defining successes, being on the go, getting things done, achieving, achieving, achieving. [LISA] And how would someone go about inviting someone to their inner sanctuary or into that space where, “Hey, this is a little different from what you’re used to. Why don’t you come over here and experience this with me?” [JACQUELYN] Well, yes. I’ll share that. Well, first of all, I think it’s gently setting boundaries. It’s gently saying, “Thanks so much for inviting me but actually today I’m going to be doing some painting or today I’m actually going to be pulling out my watercolors or thanks for inviting me, but I’m going to be hiking in nature today. Have you ever done this trail that’s at the west part of town?” It’s just sort of showing up authentically and it’s setting boundaries and letting people see and know who you are and what brings you joy. Or like, “Oh, I’ve just found this new piece of music. I’d love to share it with you. Or I just saw this great movie. Have you seen this?” And just sort of daring to be different. I know with my own spouse, it’s sort of this joke that when he knows about my inner sanctuary and he knows about like, I’m like, so can we just be together? And he’s like, well, what are we going to do? And I’m like, well, we’re not going to do anything. We’re just going to be together. We’re just going to sit on the porch, swing, have a glass of wine, listen to this music that I found and we’re going to watch the sensor. And then we’re going to see what evolves from allowing ourselves to just be. That’s still incredibly hard for him to do, but inevitably, he finds great meaning in it when he allows himself to experience it. [LISA] And I hear a lot of about this slowing down, when we slow down and we can just be in the moment. [JACQUELYN] Absolutely. And there’s that new, it’s not a new word, but it’s a word that I’ve just recently found out about in the last few years. It’s a Danish word that has no translation in English other than cozy, but it means so much more than just the word cozy. It’s a Danish word called [hygge], spelled [H Y G G E], but it’s pronounced hygge. Hygge means, and this is what I think the HSPs thrive in, this is what I think HSPs ironically need to take authority in creating. It’s the art of building sanctuary and community of inviting closeness, paying attention to what makes us feel open-hearted and alive to create a sense of wellbeing or to protect our own wellbeing, to create a sense of connection and warmth, a feeling of belonging to the moment and to each other and celebrating the everyday pleasures of life. So just that definition of hygee is like, wow, it sounds so simple. It’s not, but that’s where I think we HSP thrive in needing and providing connection and warmth. [LISA] That’s so lovely. And there’s a book, I don’t know if you’re aware of that. I think it’s called little, I don’t know how to pronounce it. Is it hogging? [JACQUELYN] Hygge. [LISA] The Little Book of Hygge, and it’s a little book and I don’t have the author’s name off the top of my head. [JACQUELYN] I’ve heard of that book too, though. I’m sure we could find it on the internet. [LISA] Yes. It’s on Amazon. [JACQUELYN] So that kind of answers the question. So how do HSPs go about inviting others into their little oasis of that aquarium? So maybe that little book of Hygge, would show us the way like, oh, thanks for the invitation to go to that networking event, but I’m actually going to be, we don’t have to say it, but oh, page 17 of The Little Book of Hygge says this. I’m actually going to be doing this. Have you ever tried it? Maybe you’d like to join me sometimes. [LISA] Yes. And what if the other person doesn’t want to do that or is not interested? [JACQUELYN] Yes, exactly, exactly. And I think that’s a very real possibility. Again, I think that we have to prepare ourselves for a certain type of loneliness because not everyone is going to welcome that kind of reality. Not everyone’s going to see it as positive. They’re going to tend to be again, that judgmental part of society that says, oh, no success is defined by this. It looks this way. And again, it’s sort of a, I think we go through a loneliness and a yearning and a grief and loss that it often feels like we’re the only ones, but to me that’s part of the spiritual journey. It’s this deep knowing that we’re not alone, this deep knowing that what we are offering and what we have to offer is probably, it’s a vital part of being human, connecting, needing to be seen and heard and knowing someone else. And sadly, and ironically, I think it’s, we HSPs that lead the way to that. And isn’t that ironic because so many of us feel so weak and so inferior, but isn’t it ironic that, wow, maybe we’re the ones that have to be these emotional leaders? [LISA] Yes, I hear a lot of strengths in that. [JACQUELYN] Yes. And it’s true. It’s in Elaine Aron’s Psychotherapy and the Highly Sensitive Person book, she talks about that it’s her estimate that 50% of therapy clients are highly sensitive people. And I find myself sometimes smiling at that and saying, yes, every time I’ve gone to therapy, it’s generally because I haven’t been able to adapt to what I call a dysfunctional, unhealthy society. So I just think that, yes, I think we HSPs oftentimes are the healthy ones that erroneously think there’s something wrong with us when actually it’s the culture that is sorely in need of our emotional leadership. [LISA] That could be a whole nother podcast. [JACQUELYN] Oh, yes, yes. [LISA] Well, before we close today, I do want to ask you my last question. What would you want a highly sensitive person to know? What would be the one takeaway? [JACQUELYN] I just would like them to know that it is a spiritual journey and by spirit, I don’t mean religious, I mean, that spiritual journey is part of becoming deeply familiar with a deep understanding of who you are, where you’ve been, what’s influenced you, and that it is possible to live an authentic life with grace and enjoying the simple pleasures of life. [LISA] That’s so wonderful. Thank you so much, Jacquelyn. And just to let our listeners know again, how they can get in touch with you. [JACQUELYN] Yes. Let’s see, trying to think if I want to give my email out or go to my website. It’s lifeworkshelp.com and that soon changing. So yes, just go there. And I think my email address is on there. However there’s a way to get in touch with me from there. [LISA] Okay. Thank you so much, Jacquelyn. I appreciate your time and I appreciate all of your knowledge and expertise on providing us, the listeners, the facts, the myths, the mysteries, and the metaphors about the highly sensitive person. [JACQUELYN] Yes. Thanks Lisa and my best wishes to everyone, especially we highly sensitive people. I’m with you on this journey and I see you, I hear you, I know you, and I guess I should just say, I love you all. [LISA] Thank you for listening today at Am I Okay? Podcast. If you are loving the show, please rate, review and subscribe to it on your favorite podcast platform. Also, if you’d like to learn how to manage situations as a highly sensitive person, discover your unique gift as a highly sensitive person, and learn how to be comfortable in your own skin, I offer a free eight-week email course called Highly Sensitive People. Just go to amiokpodcast.com to sign up. In addition, I love hearing from my listeners, drop me an email to let me know what is on your mind. You can reach me at lisa@amiokpodcast.com. This podcast is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regards to the subject matter covered. It is given with the understanding that neither the host, the publisher, or the guests are rendering legal, accounting, clinical, or any other professional information. If you want to professional, you should find one.